“I was fishing for pike on the River Kennet in Berkshire this week when a robin kept hopping on to my resting landing net handle. He looked delightful, but peckish and knowing. He knew that where there are fishermen there is often food to be found. I tried to get a photograph of him but failed.

Despite their Christmas-card good looks, Robins are surprisingly brutal birds. They are extremely territorial, even more so than most other birds. They are the red-breasted bullies and murderers of the garden.

I wandered along the river bank to search out two friends, Ian and Anthony. Ian was also being plagued by a robin but, unlike me, he was feeding his. This made me feel a tad selfish so I vowed to share my lunch with mine when I got back to my swim.

Ian’s robin had been landing on his rod and he had managed to take a very nice photograph on his digital camera, which he showed me on the bank side.

‘Could I borrow that for my blog?’ I asked.

‘Certainly,’ he replied.

‘I’ll imply that I took the photograph, though.’ I said, smiling.

Both he and Anthony looked shocked.

‘Well, one has been bouncing up and down on my keep net handle, so it is not far from the truth,’ I tried.

‘And what if I were to catch a fifty pound pike now?’ asked Anthony. ‘Would you claim that you caught that?’

I realised that he had made a fair point and I felt ashamed.

So the photograph that accompanies this blog is not taken by me. It is not taken by me at all. It is taken by Ian, not me.

Despite the fact that one hundred yards downriver I had been experiencing a similar event with a similar bird, I definitely did not take this picture.

Here are some thoughts and some reasons why I did not or could not have taken this picture.

1) Anglers always tell the truth, for if they don’t they will be found out.
2) I am the world’s slowest, most appalling photographer.
3) Ian took this photograph.
4) I was downstream about to catch a majestically sleek 15lb pike while this photograph was taken by fishless Ian.
5) If my eyes don’t deceive me, the rod that the robin has alighted on is Ian’s Richard Walker Hardy Number 1 Carp rod, which he has owned since being a young slip of a thing in the 1970s.
6) The robin that has alighted on said beautiful early glass fibre rod has very tiny little sharp claws gripping the rod.
7) If a tiny sharp-clawed robin alighted on a Richard Walker Hardy Number 1 Carp Rod and this rod were mine, rather than reach for a camera I would be reaching for a piece of bread* to encourage him and his sharp little clawed feet off said rod.

*Or a tennis racket.

This blog copyright Ian Waterman. Except the words.”